i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
