Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
