I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize