I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
