I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
