You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
