maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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