I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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