i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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