It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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