i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
