I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
