We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize