i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
