...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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