how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
