i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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