Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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