a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
