and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
