If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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