Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
