so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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