wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
