why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize