Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
