What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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