I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
