When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
