He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize