She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
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