I bet he comes in French.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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