That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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