matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
