Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
