Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
