I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
