I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
