I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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