So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize