Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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