Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
