I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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