Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
