fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
