it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
