I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
