sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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