Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just tell him i said nine months
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
