Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Even my vagina gasped.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
