you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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