Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
