ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
