even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
