You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
