Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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