Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
no you cant smoke seaweed
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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