First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
