How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
