We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
