i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
