he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
