yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Two words: blizzard sex
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
