you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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