If i come over, it means nothing
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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