This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
