no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
