I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
