I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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