I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
there's paper in my vomit.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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