You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
