I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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