blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
