also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
