We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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