we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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