Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
