I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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