he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
