I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
