So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
