I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
