saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
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