haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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