I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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