apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
