Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
