After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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