so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Less talking, more tequila
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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