like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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