i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
